I’ve received a lot of great feedback on my most recent essay published in the Jewish Women’s Archive, “Asexuality: A Text Study,” as well as some really thoughtful clarifying questions.
In the spirit in which those questions were asked, and the mission of continuing to educate, I’ve put together a few extra explainers below on the different types of attraction and the ways in which people who identify on the aspec spectrum (both asexual and aromantic) might also search for and define their interest in relationships. I hope the information continues to be helpful!
The 7 Types of Attraction
A lot of people see their sexual and romantic attraction to others as one and the same. While they can certainly be intertwined, they are still separate, and are only part of how humans feel attraction or relate to others.
There are actually SEVEN different types of attraction, and it is possible to feel all different combinations of those seven, or to feel none at all. These types of attraction can be part of a sexual/romantic relationship as well as the way you relate to platonic relationships and friendships and may help highlight what you look for and get out of all the different relationships in your life.
The 7 Types of Attraction:
- Aesthetic Attraction – aesthetic attraction means someone finds another person good looking, and admires what they look like. at its most basic level, it means it’s pleasing just to look at someone.
- Emotional Attraction – Emotional attraction means someone is attracted to the thoughts and feelings of another. at its most basic level, it means a person wants to share thoughts and feelings with someone else.
- Sexual Attraction – sexual attraction means someone has the spontaneous desire to have physical intimacy with another. it is one of the most well-known forms of attraction but is not alone in forming important or worthwhile relationships.
- Physical Attraction – physical attraction is in fact separate from sexual attraction. it means wanting to be physically near a person, but does not necessarily mean in a sexual manner.
- Intellectual Attraction – Intellectual attraction means someone finds another person’s mind/intelligence attractive. Do you want to be near someone and spend time with them because of how they talk, inquire, or challenge you?
- Romantic Attraction – Along with Sexual Attraction, Romantic attraction is perhaps the most recognized form of attraction. Do you want to develop a relationship with someone and not just have sex with them? That’s part of romantic attraction. many times there is a focus on companionship and intimacy, rather than, or alongside any sexual act.
- Reciprocal Attraction – Reciprocal attraction often begins after one learns another is attracted to them. The attraction begins or grows after learning another person is interested in you.
The different types of attraction help to highlight how aspec individuals (asexual and aromantic) can still want relationships even without feeling romantic or sexual attraction. They may simply focus on other types of attraction.
On a Spectrum
In the ace community there are some added questions around sexual attraction specifically. Some people find describing sexual desire like hunger helpful. You can still have sex, the same way you can still eat, even if you aren’t necessarily “hungry”.
But, I also want to just say, that while the below terminology can be helpful in education, and for a person trying to define where they exist within an identity that does have a spectrum of experiences, it should also be made clear that wanting or not wanting, and participating or not participating in an action does not make any individual more or less recognized as asexual or more or less deserving of respect as a human being.
Many ace individuals will identify as one of the below as well as asexual. While aces do not feel sexual attraction (“hunger”) they may have different feelings about participating in certain acts. These are personal feelings for an individual and their singular personal experience and choice surrounding interactions.
- Sex favorable – someone who enjoys and is willing to engage in or seek sex
- Sex indifferent – someone who doesn’t care if they have sex or not. They find enjoyment when participating but don’t care very much and probably don’t seek it out.
- Sex repulsed – someone who does not desire sexual activity and may find it uninteresting and unwanted.
- Sex averse – someone who has negative feelings toward the idea of participating in a sexual situation
Hopefully the above has been helpful and clarified some questions that have already come up. Always more to come.